Finding my way back home

Sometimes it takes a life lesson, a fall if you will, to help you realize how far off the path you’ve strayed. The last three years of the pandemic has taken a toll on my life that I have to be honest about and acknowledge.

During the first days of the pandemic, trying to maintain my safety and health was a concern of mine considering that my main method of getting around was through public transportation so the risk of contracting covid was a real issue (I still have yet to contact it due to my practice of religiously wearing a mask; still do to this day), but I was lucky to avoid catching covid during the fog of uncertainty that was the early days of the pandemic largely due to the kindness, love and generosity of my girlfriend who loaned me her car to keep me safe.

A dancer’s silhouette in the spotlight - I took this photo of Sandy Luque for a feature story while we were testing and setting up for lights. I wanted to capture and convey the solitary moments in between the passion and hard work dancers put into the craft that were don’t often get to see. Expired Fuji Colorpress 400

I would have never thought that I would live to see the day where I would be living through a pandemic that has killed so many people, and is currently still doing so. That fear of contracting and possibly dying from Covid-19 was hammered into my psyche in those early days, yet even then I would go out to photograph and document this new world we all found ourselves in, safely of course. Though I didn’t go out as much as I did pre-pandemic, I still made the attempt to document and be a witness to history. And then Delta hit.

Balance - Briana Skye Bauer rehearses her routine for an upcoming performance. Expired Fuji Colorpress 400

I was naive to have entertained the thought that this pandemic would be short lived. That medical science and the government would have this figured out quickly and that we’d be back to normalcy in no time. That turned out to be wrong as reports of the ever growing number of people contracting the virus, far too many of those were deaths, kept accumulating as the days, weeks and months passed. It definitely was a scary time for me, that a more virulent variant of a virus that had already killed thousands of people was now afflicting society. If the handful amount of times I did go out to practice my craft before Delta hit, I was definitely going out a lot less after Delta.

Mind you, I was vaccinated for Delta around this time which made me feel safer, but I hedged my bet and thought it best that the less I put myself in a situation of risk, the better off and safer I would be, but that came at a cost.

Small joys - A candid photograph of my friend Talia finding some joy in this moment. Expired Fuji Colorpress 400

Months passed, years even, the ever mounting number of death the pandemic had afflicted. The resulting pain and suffering people that have been affected by it took its toll. In hindsight I subconsciously just shut down both physically and emotionally trying to cope to this new world. I stopped going out to document the world. I stopped seeing my friends in person and maintaining a good relationship with them. I stopped being emotionally true to myself to where I would bottle things internally, needlessly, affecting my ability to properly resolve conflict and not properly expressing my feelings. I lost sight of and stopped being me.

Celebration - A fan celebrates a hit during a Dodgers home game. I think the secondary line on the infield is the camera catching the movement of the ball, because that line should not exist. Expired Fuji Colorpress 400

It wasn’t until a recent life event that forced to me to collect my thoughts and reassess my standing and outlook on life to realize what I have lost and make the necessary changes to regain my former self. I began to remember who and what I once was that came by way of developing a couple of rolls of film that have been aging for the better part of seven years. It may sound weird or alien to you reading this, but the ability to reconnect to the moments I captured so many years ago, to see those images and memories, have helped me find my way back to myself. The photos I have shared within this post came from those rolls, photos I took in 2016. They may not be of great quality since the film itself was originally a decade expired, but they’re mine, and I’m thankful and lucky to be able to be reunited with them.

How you see me - I don’t remember who took this photo of me. Expired Fuji Colorpress 400

So where do I go from here? Forward. We all lose our way sometimes, but even when we do, we have the capacity and capability to change for the better and find ourselves again, no matter however long it took or takes. The important thing is that we acknowledge it and take that first step to change, regain or both. So I’m taking a realistic approach by taking small, progressive steps. I’m definitely photographing and documenting a bit more now, while still being safe because we’re still in a pandemic. There will be more rolls of film to be developed and they will be shared more regularly and I will continually work on myself, not only for my benefit, but for those around me as well. It’ll take some time, but I’ll be home in a minute.

Is Nikon making a play for film enthusiasts?

On Thursday, Aug. 24, Nikon announced its newest DSLR to the world, the D850. Though new digital camera announcements don't particularly catch my attention, this one does, for this model includes an in camera "film scanning" option.

Before I get into the meat of it, I want to clarify a few things. In the past, when you shot film, whether it be 35mm, 120 medium format or large format, if you utilized a professional film lab, you would get that film developed and the lab would digitize the negatives using a dedicated film scanner like the Noritsu, Fuji Frontier or some type of drum scanner. If you developed your own film you would digitally scan the negatives using a consumer flatbed scanner not much different than scanners built to scan paper documents.

Recently, the use of DSLRs to "scan" negatives has become popular among many photographers because it's much cheaper than paying a professional lab to digitize your negatives, and much more efficient than flatbed film scanners.

You may be wondering by now why I put the word scan in quotation marks with regard to this technique. The quick and simple answer is that the DSLR method of digitizing analog film isn't scanning in the traditional sense. It's simply taking a photo of the negative using a DSLR and a macro lens and then throwing up those photos into Photoshop and perform a couple of conversions depending on the type of film.

There aren't many digital cameras out there that have this kind of option in camera and AFAIK, this is the only model that does it so I was surprised that Nikon went ahead and threw this capability as an option in their newest DSLR because, why?

Is Nikon trying to win the hearts and minds of film photographers? Not likely and here's my guess why.

There are three types of photographers with regards to media formats: The film enthusiast who only shoots film and nothing else, the digital photographer who only shoots digital, and the hybrid shooter who shoots both digital and film.

This camera may not have film enthusiasts clamoring to purchasing this camera when it becomes available because they'd rather spend their money on new used film gear and the new film stocks that has come out and will be coming out in the near future. 

The D850 may interest the digital photographers to venture into the world of film. If the soon to be owners of the D850 have the capability to perform in camera "scanning" of film, why not shoot off some rolls here and there because you can?

This camera is likely to interest the hybrid shooters more than anything. DSLR "scanning" can be a really mundane workflow. After taking a photo of the negative, tweaking the image and making the adjustments in Photoshop to get it just right gets boring. Remember, if you're shooting 35mm film, at the very least you're going to be working on 24 images and 36 images at most.

Speaking of which, the D850 will only be able to "scan" 35mm film with no plans that I know of to release accessories that would accommodate 120 medium format (though I think it's probably not possible at the moment if it even could be done), and forget about accessories for large format film.

I've tried DSLR scanning one time and I found that method to be more taxing than using a traditional consumer flatbed film scanner so I wasn't a fan of it from the start. I'm a stickler for quality and I have yet to come across a DSLR "scan" of film that comes close to what pro labs can do and offers in terms of quality, color rendition and resolution. It's night and day.

Though I'm not a fan of the method of DSLR scanning, I can understand why hybrid photographers utilize this method. It's cheap. Professional film lab scans can become expensive after time and if most of what you shoot is only going to be published on social media, there's really no need or reason to big with your scans. 

So what do you think about this option that Nikon is offering in the D850? 

Analog Love Letters: The Force Waits

I'm very particular on varying things. I go to a chain of vintage stores called American Vintage whenever I'm looking for second hand style finds. I like my suits slim fitting as close to the shape of my body. I physically buy my film from Freestyle Photographic Supplies. Getting my haircut is no different.  

For the better part of a decade, I've been going to Rudy's barbershop whenever my hair needs a bit of new styling and not just any Rudy's. They've added a few locations throughout the Los Angeles area, but I only go to their Silverlake location. I live in Northridge so traveling on the metro for 20 some odd miles takes a bit of dedication and loyalty. 

I love going to this particular location for a couple of reasons. Their barbers are some of the best I've experienced, the community of Silverlake is young and trendy and I get some street photography done on the way to Rudy's and shoot around the neighborhood after a fresh cut.  

On this particular Rudy's outing, I saw a small group of people queuing outside the Vista theater next to Rudy's. I've never seen people queue at the Vista so I walked over to see what they were waiting for and it was for the premier of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  

Queing for any big franchise movie isn't anything new, but the Vista is a tiny theater compared to the modern movie plexes where lining up for a premier is more commonplace. 

Star Wars fans can be some of the most dedicated fans out there (I'm a Trekkie myself) and there's some loyalty and dedication in these fans to wait at a neighborhood theater that could comfortably serve the fan base that live in Silverlake. There were probably a dozen people waiting for the premier. 

35mm Fuji Provia 100F/Silverlake, Calif./Dec. 2015

Don't Be Afraid To Kill Your Children

Mothers. They're fierce when it comes to protecting their offspring. I have seen videos of women free their pinned down kid by lifting a small car off the ground and the last thing you want to cross on any hike is a mountain lion, especially if she's being trailed by her litter. Artists are also quite protective of their work. Maybe far too protective.

I have lost count as to the many unintended arguments I've had online when a photographer post their work and ask for some critique. I get it. I too can get defensive when I feel someone unfairly criticizes my work, but through the years, I've learned to grow a thicker skin. We are creators and our works are our children, so we will always be ready to defend should the need arise, but sometimes we may put a little too much pride into something that wasn't all that great to begin with.

Case in point:

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I took this photo at the Venice Beach Skate Park in March of 2015, but I'm just got around to develop this roll last week and am finally seeing the photos for the first time today. For the most part I really like this image. It's an action shot. The boy fills the frame and I really dig the angle and stance of his body. That being said, there's a head growing out of the boy's left shoulder.

Most of the time, things like that are real sticklers for me, including this instance. Whenever I see photos that would be considered good to most people, I end up seeing something awkward in the photo (and sometimes pointing it out which I may need to stop doing). "Oh, that's a nice engagement photo, but there's a palm tree growing out of the groom's head."

Last year, I saw a documentary series of photographers called Contacts which detailed some of the artistic approaches photographers used with respect to their work via contact sheets. In the episode I saw, Helmut Newton said something profound that has stuck with me since. 

"Personally I always say you have to sacrifice your own children. An ugly photo shouldn't be protected."

That really speaks volumes. Newton would go on to say that he felt that "young people often protect their children far too much," and Newton has a very good point. Artists have great pride in their work, but sometimes that pride can cloud their vision and stop them from seeing their work objectively, me included.

Since hearing Newton say that, I've been ready to kill (read: not publish in my website) a photo if I see something in that photo bothers me and photographers should take that same approach. Now, obviously I noticed the head growing from the kid's shoulder, but is it that big of a deal to kill the photo?

With the example of a palm tree growing out of the groom's head in a photo, that can be easily fixed during the actual shoot by either the photographer move a couple steps to the left or right and reframe the photo, or have the subjects move and then frame the photo. This photo is different. It's a street photograph. I didn't have any control with the subject and the moment is gone the moment I depressed the shutter button on my camera. There is no way I will experience this moment ever again. I take challenge as a virtue to keep this photo, amongst the other good qualities of the photo. Still, he's got a head growing out of his shoulder.

I could do a bit of photoshopping and totally remove the head (and subsequent legs of the person behind the main subject), but I'm no Steve McCurry.

Other than this entry, I probably won't publish this photograph in my website, but if we're going to put our works out there for the world to see, we really should put our best work out there. And we should be ready for any sort of criticism of our work from people.

The longevity of film (Sorry I've been away)

It's weird how you can get caught up with a number of things that happen in your life that you forget to do simple things, like maintaining the blog section of your website and remembering that you do have a blog section of your website.  

So I've been busy to say the least. Since my last entry, I have ended my time at Pierce College and its Media Arts Department and it's been an honor and worthwhile experience that I will always treasure. In my time there I have held many positions such as staff photographer, writer, photo editor of the newspaper, multimedia editor, managing editor of the magazine and being its Editor-in-Chief. And to think that I went into their program on a whim, didn't expect to stay long, and gave them three years of my life. I recommend the program to anyone interested in journalism. It's one of the best in Southern California and it has opened up possibilities for me. 

I figure it was time to set my sights on the job market and I've picked up a gig working for the County Board of Supervisors in their photo unit earlier this year. It's not a photography job, the county has four photographers for their needs and I'm responsible for printing out the photos that the Supervisors of the different districts requests. 

It's a pretty chill gig and I get to work with film chemicals and I'm always up for film and chemistry! 

I've also been working on a few projects as of late. Won't go into details as they're still being worked on, but I'm pretty active. 

With that out of the way, I'm working on a special project for the county which is outside of my regular printing obligations. Parks and Rec (not the show...) has requested our unit to go through the photo archives and digitize the negatives that deal with their government body and I love going back in time and look at historical photographs that are decades old and I've seen a good share of pretty interesting frames. Some negatives are from the 1900s! 

I'm not sure why the negatives haven't been digitized already. For whatever reason, and I wouldn't be surprised whatever it may be due to the bureaucracy that comes with government, I'm doing it. 

This photo was slugged "Gold Discovery" and was dated 1970. Not sure if gold was actually discovered or some sort of reenactment activity, but interesting nonetheless.  

The image above is one of the negative frames that I've scanned for P&R and it's from an interesting set of negatives. The series is slugged "Placerita: Gold Discovery" and I'm not sure what the story is on these images. I don't really think gold was discovered since it was taken in 1970 and it could very well be some sort of hands on reenactment given the clothes the people are wearing in the images.  

Before this work project, I have never handled negatives that were older than a decade and this negative is almost 50 years old. Of course I used gloves to handle the negatives so I wouldn't get any oils on it and damage the frame, but even though I'm not surprised at how well the image has maintained through the years, I kind of am.  

That's to say that any film that's stored in a dark, humid friendly area, will probably still be around well after we are gone, the idea that old tech can outlast us and transcend human time is pretty cool! The jury (read: me) is still out on digital. Hell, the messages we recorded on the Voyager probes are encoded to gold records and it is said that those will last billions of years from what I've read.  

I don't know when I'll complete this project. P&R has a long list and I've barely scratched the surface. In the meantime, I'll continue to work on my personal projects and update this blog on a more regular basis.  

The photos on my website are updated more regularly than my blog is, but follow me on Instagram, as I update that account almost daily.  

Stock Review: Fuji Natura 1600

Last month, a friend of mine was headed to Japan for some vacation time and upon learning this, asked her if she would be willing to bring back some film for me if I provided her the funds to purchase a film stock that I had always wanted to shoot.

I heard a lot of great things about Fuji's Japan exclusive Natura 1600 film and when she came back, I was eager to run through a test roll to see if the film stood up to the positive reviews. Fuji doesn't sell this film in pro packs like their 400H stock. Sold mainly in packs of 3 and single rolls, I gave my friend enough money to buy 7 packs of 3 which essentially gave me 2 bricks worth with an extra roll that I would use as a tester so that worked out quite well.

The Natura 1600 was especially made to work in conjunction with Fuji's Natura camera, a fast, higher end point and shoot developed by Fuji that is supposed to excel in available low light conditions, not too dissimilar to other higher end point and shoot cameras like the venerable Contax T2/3 models, the Ricoh GR cameras and the Leica Minilux to name a few. The difference being that those other cameras didn't have a specially made film to work along side it.

Because the Natura 1600 is a Japan only stock, it makes the film super rare and sought after. As such, to buy the film through various means such as online, makes the film much more expensive that other comparable stocks (which aren't many but more on that later) that you can readily find domestically.

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The first shot I took was a self portrait, as it is routine with every roll I put into any camera. The film looks like it saturates the red more so than other film stocks but not too bothersome in my opinion.

Because the film stock is a high ISO film and made for low light conditions, I wanted to put it through its intended use. So I went out during specific times of days, mainly first light and golden hour with some sprinkling of mid-day conditions, as well as any time I found myself in low light conditions.

After getting my scans back from the lab, I found that the film saturates red a good deal, which isn't uncommon for Fuji films in similar low light conditions. It isn't problematic in my opinion but I would be mindful in the future knowing that aspect of the film. In the above self portrait photo, I've shot in that same bathroom using other films and the red wasn't as saturated as it was with Natura 1600.

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Young couple at Sarita's Pupuseria in Grand Central Market

The film really performs well in low light conditions, as it should, and I'm very pleased with not only its performance, but that now I have a native high ISO film that I don't really have to push to be able to shoot in such conditions. In the past, I relied upon other stocks such as Fuji Pro 400H or Kodak Portra 400/800 and then pushing the films to my desired ISO ratings. This makes the Natura 1600 super convenient to just grab and go without having to worry about making any substantial compensations. The film's high ISO rating gives me the confidence that I have the right film for just about any type of condition, although I have yet to put it through high noon conditions. I probably won't because, why? Now I'm wondering how this film performs when you pair it with its intended camera, the Fuji Natura.

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For a high ISO color film, the grain structure isn't too bad at all. Of all my years shooting film, I'd say the Natura 1600 is one of the better performing high ISO films I've shot.

I was initially worried about heavy grain with this film. In the past, high ISO color film have been heavy in grain but I was quite surprised with the grain structure of Natura 1600. I would compare it to the grain of Kodak Portra 800 at speed, which is awesome. It's not often you get to shoot a native high ISO color film having roughly the same amount of grain as another color film that's 1 stop lower. Knowing this, I would expect Natura 1600 to have a good level of grain when it's pushed 1 stop to 3200. I have yet to do this, but I feel comfortable pushing this 1 stop, maybe 2. I'll probably do so in future rolls to see how they turn out. Skin tone tends to render fairly well which can be problematic in low light conditions.

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Here she is. The one that went to Japan and brought me back one of the better films I've shot. Thanks Rie! When are you going back to Japan?

I would highly recommend getting your hands on Natura 1600. Because it is so rare, it can be pricey. Natura 1600 can vary online from $10-$13 per roll and a pack of 3 can set you back around $30-$40. Is it worth it? I think so. Having a native high ISO film in your stock is really convenient. No longer do you need to purchase other high ISO color film and pushing it "x" number of stops which would incur more cost should you send your film out to a professional lab to develop it. No other manufacturer makes a color film with an ISO of 1600. The highest color ISO film is Kodak Portra 800, which is a great stock and in most instances would suit your needs, but when you need that extra oomph, or having more options as far as capabilities, having Natura 1600 in your stock is rather nice. However having said this, should you have a friend traveling to Japan, I suggest giving him/her money so you can get Natura 1600 at actual cost. A 3 pack of Natura 1600 set me back $25 and some change. That's a no brainer considering your other option is buying online and having to go through the internet market which could set you back $40 or more. AND, if you're a tourist in Japan, you pay no sales tax. How great is that? Just don't forget to tell your friend upon returning to have airport security hand check the film instead of running it through x-ray. X-ray and high ISO film is no bueno.

Pros

• Native high ISO: No need to push film to shoot in low light conditions
• Convenient to have a high ISO film in your stock
• Fine grain for such a high ISO film
• Performs very well in low light conditions
• Renders skin tones well for a high ISO film in low light

Cons

• Saturates red
• Cost

Analog Love Letter: American Horror Story

A year back, I was a part of a Getty exhibition with other creative and talented photographers I have the pleasure of knowing and meeting.  The theme of our work was "Play" with the medium being alternative photo processes.

We each had our choice of what alternative photo process we wanted to work on. The last time I did an alternative process work was many years back in high school. It was a cyanotype of a flower and cyanotypes are pretty easy to produce but I had grander plans for my work. With the research I did on alternative processes, I really wanted to do a daguerreotype, but having no experience with the medium and the technical difficulties of producing daguerreotypes put me off. That and the thought of working with mercury fumes scared the shit out of me. So I opted to do something a bit easier and feasible to produce, given the materials I was willing to work with, which ended up being gum bichromate prints. A fairly easy process but it isn't a cake walk either.

Tackling a photo to represent the theme was a bit of a challenge. Images of kids playing, or just the act of play itself (sports, games etc.), were easy to come by because, they're easy to shoot. I didn't want to do easy. At least not until I was desperate enough to use those ideas. It wasn't until halfway till deadline did it come to me. I figured, if the theme was play, I could just have fun with it and do a photo I would never think of doing. 

One day I was walking in the hills not too far from where I lived. I was with a couple of friends and as we're trekking, I zoned out, thinking about nothing but the project which would be due very soon. I saw this field of yellow grass that shined like gold as the light hit it during golden hour. Far in the background was a lone tree that was dark which gave good contrast to the scene I loved immediately. The more I observed the scene, the more my imagination ran. "Wouldn't it be crazy if some man beast were running through this scene?" I want to shoot a nude satyr running through this field. I loved it. It was settled. Who would model for such a photo that I knew? At face value, none, so I just threw it out there and asked one of my friends if he was willing to do this. It took some coaxing, a bit of pressure and I may have begged at one point. Who could blame anyone for being cautious when their friend essentially requests that "I need you to go at least half naked and do this thing for a photo project I was working on." Eventually my friend did agree to it. I think it was the begging.

So a week passes after the agreement was made, and we're back at the same location, at the same time. I wanted the same exact moment to now be filled by a half naked man running through the grass. The idea was to imply nudity (because if it was actual nudity, "no" would be a definite reaction from whoever I asked) so I bought nude colored tights, which he begrudgingly put on. Obviously he was regretting the decision he made but no take backsies is illegal. It's in one of the verses I read somewhere.

As I'm shooting my friend doing whatever it was I told him to do so that I could get enough images to work with, two women were hiking on the trail and as they came closer to us, they saw me with the camera, and then they saw my half naked friend wearing a goat mask, hiding within the grass. One of them shrieked and said something along the lines of "oh my god! It looks like a scene out of American Horror Story!" and proceeded to pull out her cell phone to take a photo of this scene here that I shot.

This photo didn't make the cut. This was taken with black and white film, and one can do a two color gum print (this one would've been a black and white print) but I used a digital camera for the project. It was efficient for the time I had left and the complexity of gum prints. Not sure why I shot this on black & white film exactly. At the time, there may have been an idea to shoot black and white but in hindsight, I probably did it for shits and giggles. Or blackmail.

"Satyr in the grass" / 35mm Ilford Delta 3200 / March 2015

The Air Between Us

I've had the honor of meeting a lot of people during the short time I've currently been on this planet. Many of them strangers and have remained as such while others have grown into acquaintances and even life long friends. 

An interesting subject matter has grown in popularity on the internet featuring portraits of people and a poignant quote or tidbit about them which was made famous by Brandon Stanton and his project, Humans of New York. 

The act of meeting people, talking to and getting to know them is something that interests me. 

I'm working on a project similar to HoNY, but obviously with my own take. That's all I'm willing to say on this project. It's life-long so eventually a fuller detail will emerge. Before I die, or when someone is willing to display these pieces. Whichever comes first.

Analog Love Letter: End Of A Good Day

In my younger years, I never once caught a bout of motion/sea sickness. Didn't really have sea legs either but being on the open water in a boat never bothered me. It wasn't until recently in my life where I started to suffer from sea sickness to where I would have to sleep on the boat to get over it before finally enjoying whatever little time I had left being on a boat.

Towards the end of a day being on a boat, I was able to wake up from my nap to capture this photo of the setting sun in Marina Del Rey. My nap wasn't due to being sea sick, but rather being tired from the lack of sleep the night before. I was able to sustain being good, thanks to the help of some friends who had this nifty wristband that helps people with sea sickness.

"Sunset over Marina Del Rey" / 35mm Adox CHS 100 / February 2011

Analog Love Letter: Ms. Bell

I took this photo of my friend Melissa during my birthday revelry in 2011. Another photo in my Turn on the Bright Lights series that's inspired by Interpol's first full length album of the same name.

Taken on a Holga, the red color in this photo came by way of a gel filter that's built into the camera's flash unit. It also has other colors like yellow and blue.

This particular photo has more of a heavy red compared to other photos in the series because of the slide film I used. Slide film, or positive film, is more or less a transparent image. In film's heyday, photographic slides were placed in specially made projectors (which were called slide projectors amazingly enough) where a light bulb would shine it's light on any given slide and thusly would be projected onto a screen. The photos were "as is," compared to color negative film which produced film negatives. In terms of film, you've probably seen film negatives more so than you did slides. They were cheaper to buy and develop. I digress, but if you use a flash, slide film will take in and saturate/fill a photograph with highlights more so than color negative film. So if you use an artificial color source over the flash, such as the color red, the resulting photograph will just be full on red, like holding a red, plastic looking...film.

I have so many small projects and series on my plate it's not even funny. I have yet to set a deadline for completion on this project. When I feel I have nothing left to add to it is when it'll be done.

"Bright Lights on Melissa" / 6x6 medium format Fuji Astia 100F / December 2011